Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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