He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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