I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
