Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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