Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
