Barsexuality is the new black.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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