Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
