I could make wine with my vomit
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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