I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize