We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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