dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
