Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
