Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
