Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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