I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
