Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize