i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize