My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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