I wish they made helmets for livers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
