Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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