How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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