he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
