Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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