Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
