I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
