He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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