i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
false alarm. still invincible.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
