New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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