I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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