wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
