perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
