Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
