I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
