I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize