GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
