I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
