so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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