okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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