Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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