Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
