i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
