A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
