i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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