Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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