It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
