I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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