sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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