i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize