and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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