Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
