really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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