i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize