just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize