You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
