you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
