im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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