Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
