I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
