Come see our sink grown plant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
