I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
