I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
