you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
