He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
