I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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