3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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