I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
