I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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